What I Need

When I first started this blog, I was in a time of utter crisis and had no idea what, precisely, I needed other than the general list of guidelines I put in my first post. Now I'm still in a time of significant grief. Although The Socialistee and I have what appears to be a solid plan in place, I've found a suitable therapist, she's continuing her work with hers and we're both reaching out for support while turning towards, rather than away from, each other, it's hard. It hurts. I'm mourning the loss of the marriage we had even in the midst of celebrating the marriage we have and the friendship we will continue to have. I'm thrilled, really and truly, that she's learning more about herself - I'm even excited at the potential of 1, 2, 3, or 10 years from now for both of us to be in relationships where we're entirely fulfilled while maintaining our friendship throughout. But I still cry myself to sleep and still find myself yearning to lean in for a kiss or to initiate lovemaking. In short, I know that this still hurts and that I still have a lot of work to do on and for myself. But I'm okay with never being 'over' the loss of our romantic marriage - I don't think one ever really, truly does get over it, nor am I convinced I even want to. Sure, eventually I'll go days, weeks, hours without it hurting and be able to discuss it without wanting to disappear entirely, but I doubt I'll ever be over it any more than I'd ever get over the loss of any other loved one. But I know what I need from you all now.

 

What I need is, in many ways, what most of you have been doing already - I just need you to sit with me in my grief, to validate and honor my pain, to celebrate with me when a day goes well or when we have a 'victory,' and to offer me virtual hugs when I ask for them or you simply think they're warranted. In short - I need a community to bear witness to my process, validate my experience, and remain present with me throughout. Thank you for all you've done and for all you do! I'll keep this forum updated regularly with what's happening, how everyone is doing with the changes, etc - writing this all down is a huge part of my own processing, so thank you for bearing witness.