OKCupid 4

Thanks so much for your support. And by the by, I'm absolutely going square dancing in the next few weeks, as soon as The Socialistee is free to watch the little one.

 

Oh, and I've gotten a few PM requests to share the 'it's over' message. After thinking about it, I think it would indeed be therapeutic to post rather than PM back, so here it is:

 

"Hi XXXX,

 

Sorry this has taken me so long to get to you - I want to make sure I get it right and, if I'm totally honest, I don't want to send it. Please do me the favor of reading to the end.

 

Remember my comments about always striving to be transparent and live with authenticity? This is one of those times when it sucks, a lot.

 

Let me begin by saying that, if you can trust this, at no point was I false, did I lie, or attempt to conceal anything from you. I like you a lot and have come to care for you a great deal. I really want to date you, to give a relationship with you a try and see where it goes. But I realized this afternoon that I don't think I'm ready like I thought I was.

 

I've meant every word I've said to you, and I still do, but when I imagined our date, for real, suddenly I felt wrong... Nothing about you, just about me.

 

I feel awful, but I wanted to be entirely up front with you.

 

And to top it off, there's that little voice screaming "you idiot! What are you doing? You've had huge gaps in your needs from the day you got married, they've only grown over the years, and now you don't even get a goodnight peck from your wife. Why are you throwing away the closest immediate chance you've got to getting to kiss, cuddle, love and be loved?" But I think if that's the reason I'm pursuing a relationship, because I'm terrified of continuing not to have those things, that's the wrong reason to enter a relationship. That isn't remotely the entirety of why I wanted to date you, like I said, you're funny, kind, intelligent, strong, beautiful, and someone I genuinely enjoy. But I'm not certain I'm in a place yet where I wouldn't be motivated, from time to time at least, more by simply the desire to be loved than by my future love for you, and that's not fair to either of us. I've clearly got quite a bit of work left to do before I start pursuing another partner.

 

I'm so sorry XXXX, I'm letting you know as soon as I realized it (well, within a few hours anyway), but despite my best intentions, this is in no way fair to you. What a way to start your vacation. I'm glad you've got support people close at hand.

 

Take care,

 

Smye"

 

And after rereading that - wow that reads melodramatic, but there it is.