Breakup Broken

It's been 1 day since the breakup.

It went... as to the quality of the going - I'm not sure how to measure it. This is my first dating relationship and my first breakup ever (at 27). There were a lot of tears on both ends, she kept asking "what could I have done differently? But don't worry, I won't try to change myself for you" and I kept choosing not to go there - I trust her intent. I have complete and total faith that she 100% means what she says.


But when The Socialist came out and asked for a divorce, I  did the same thing. And so I don't trust that she wouldn't carry my potential words around with her as a 'recipe' for 'fixing' herself to haunt her when jerkbrain rears it's ugly head.

She insists she wants to be besties  - so do I - but I think insisting on a break for a bit first so we're starting from as close to scratch as possible and so she can let the emotional dust settle a bit and make an authentic, fully informed decision as to how she wants to move forward rather than just the "DONT LEAVE, I'LL DO ANYTHING" unconcious bargaining I worry about.

The Map is Closed

Apologies all, for the lengthy absence. Suffice it to say a lot has been going on.

1 - I got picked up by AllRecipes as an AllRecipes AllStar Brand Ambassador - WOOT WOOT!

2 - I'm redesigning alternative education for an entire school district which - although rewarding - is utterly exhausting and a huge timesuck.

3 - The Cartographer has taken up nearly all of my restful moments - in ways both good (99%) and bad (1%).

4 - The Cartographer and I broke up.

Let's elaborate, shall we?

The Cartographer - A Brief Introduction

Well, the Actress seems to have ghosted entirely (or is legitimately seeking her own therapy/doing her own work, in which case, well done Actess, I can't wait to reconnect - be it as friends or more - when you're ready). 

 

On the other hand, The Cartographer has now emerged... I sent her a message in December. She was out of town. She replied the day The Actress said 'farewell.' We met for drinks and trivia. I was at ease. I was relaxed. I enjoyed her company. Her mind is beautiful. She is delightful. She is at least as intelligent as I am. I'm smitten. We've been seeing one another for a few weeks now. On Wednesday she asked me, "Smye, can I call you my boyfriend?" Hell yes! I guess I'm dating now. I couldn't be more pleased. More on her to come soon.

 

The Socialist has started pseudo-dating (though she doesn't use that term just yet) and I'm so excited for her! She also met The Cartographer last week and they seem to get on quite well thus far. They'll not meet again for some time, The Cartographer just wanted to verify my story before we started dating. I'm so pleased she's comfortable stating her needs.

 

Lastly - The Cartographer made my therapist cry, in a good way. This is going to be fun!