Sure, I know I could love again blah blah blah (I don't buy the one-and-only soulmate stuff), but I think I'd always feel like I was emotionally cheating on my future spouse should I go that route because deep down I'd always be longing for my current wife and best friend rather than really deeply loving newspouse the most.
To clarify, although I just want it to end and have this vague sense of "Can I just die please?" I am not in any way suicidal, experiencing suicide ideation, or considering self harm. I just reread my post and realized I would be concerned were I not the author and so wanted to clarify.
Thank you, emailer. Every comment like yours is a buoy for the next 3 minutes. It's almost pathetic (I know it's not really) but after 3 I need another - so thank you for being this one.
I don't actually think we'll ever stop being friends or loving one another - I just don't want to be only friends, you know? I've craved her as my life partner since I was 5. But I want her to be happy, truly happy, and to be able to love her partner as I've loved her, even if that means that partner isn't me. One the one hand I know one of my two my 'nonnegotiables' through this all is that I need for us to both be loved and to love fully and to feel all of that love. The sucky part is that the other nonnegotiable I've got is that I need to stay partnered to her
. I guess that's why this takes time.Excruciating is exactly the word. And I feel so guilty for my own pain because I know it's so much of what's hurting her. Thank you!
Oh, and we have a kid with special needs - that doesn't throw a messy wrench into the whole debacle.
